Stamford Paint Gun Officer: Vote for Me!

This letter to the Advocate just reminds me why I, along with maybe the Stamford cops, need to receive authorization to shoot obnoxious drivers' cars with paint guns. The paint will be designed to wear off after one week- maybe two. That way, your car is not permanently damaged, but everyone around you, including your gossipy neighbors, will know that you were driving like an a-hole who thinks that where you're going is so much more urgent than where everyone else is going.

To the editor: The surprise in the Dec. 7 letter regarding the small dog being run over by the speeding car is not that it happened, but rather that there are not more letters with the same kind of story every day.

Quite simply, drivers are out of control in Stamford. They drive three or four times the speed limit, pay little or no attention to stop signs and less attention to the no-right-turn-on-red signs - all because they have little or no fear of being pulled over because we do not have enough police cars on the road at any given time.

Just today while walking my dog, I had to wait for the one millionth time as not one but two cars made a right turn on red off Summer onto North Street - where there is a sign saying no turn on red. To top it off, they barely even slowed down.

This year I have been to Israel; Canada; Lexington, Ky.; Las Vegas; Columbus, Ohio; and Atlanta, and there is no question that the worst drivers I have come across are right here in Stamford. I don't know if there is an arrogance to a lot of us here. I don't know if it is we think the rules don't apply to us. I don't know what it is. But it is a problem our elected officials need to address. We could probably avoid tax increases for years to come if we had enough police to write tickets.
Robert Stiskin-- Stamford

Yeah! Unless there's a woman in the car about to have a baby, don't turn right on red if the sign says not to, and don't cut off pedestrians in the crosswalk, punks. I'll admit, I myself occasionally drive like a bit of an a-hole. Not as much of an a-hole to where I blatantly endanger people, but I might speed, or I might not stop to let a pedestrian cross. (I'd never cut one off who's already in the crosswalk though- that's psycho, and those are the drivers I hate and want to shoot with my paint gun.) I'll submit myself to this plan; that's how strongly I feel about it. If I do something dangerous, my car should be shot with a paint gun, too.

Here's my original paint gun post:

I'm sick of Stamford people pushing me around. I might have to start fighting people. No, I wouldn't do that. I will, though, think about asking the Stamford police for a special dispensation to carry and fire a paintball gun in public. Did I ever blog about that? I got that great idea in August. I'll blog more about it later, but it involves me being a trusted public servant who gets to shoot a paint gun at say, cars who are rude to pedestrians, or people who kick my seat on purpose at the movie theatre. That way, I get the pleasure of physically assaulting people without actually hurting them, and mean people get the message: "That was mean. I saw you. I don't like you. This is your punishment. Don't do it again. Be nicer."

I really don't see what the problem with this plan would be. Will you sign a petition to get me certified to be a Stamford Paint Gun Officer? I'm the perfect person for this: level-headed, fair, fearless, nice but a tiny bit bitchy on the inside.